When I was diagnosed with MS my parents didn't take it too well. I found myself protecting them and reassuring them that it wasn't the end of the world. It was a difficult one because I really needed the emotional support but due to my Dad's addiction issues and my mam was living with an acquired brain injury, they weren't emotionally available to support me. However, my Mam was so proud of my MS blogs, they both were, and my Mam spoke to everyone about how great I was. She was such an Irish Mammy! She thought her kids were the best- I believe all parents think their own kids are the best thing since sliced bread!
I honestly never went a day without feeling their love for me. They never went a day without feeling that love reciprocated.
It was difficult for me to see my Mam suffering from extensive brain damage. I grieved for her long before she passed away. I am so proud of her for everything she achieved in this life and fighting every day to live with her brain injury. We all have struggles in life, my Mam had many, but I won't focus on the brain injury Mam. I will remember my Mam as the beautiful, happy, kind and a big children fanatic that she was. She genuinely had a heart of gold and the only thing she'd give out to me for was worrying.
After she passed away, the grief was and is unbearable. Stress and MS really don't go well together. I found myself not physically being able to swallow. I lost a large amount of weight. And I could hear my Mam’s voice inside my head saying. "Stop worrying and stressing, look after yourself". I know that's all my Mam ever wanted. She always told me to stop putting everyone else first and to make myself Number One. I didn't think much of it when she was alive but she's right. We all need to look after ourselves, especially those of us living with a chronic illness. Living with MS can be hard, so it is important to mind ourselves and to listen to our bodies. If we don’t make time to look after ourselves, then we will be forced to make time for being ill. So, I made a promise to my Mam, that I will look after myself physically and mentally.
The only comfort I have is believing that my Mam is not suffering anymore and is reunited with my Dad and older sister. I could spend all day telling you how wonderful and special my Mam was and how I'm going to spend Mother’s Day this year. Instead, I wrote a poem, and this is dedicated to my Mam.
A Mother’s love is a bond
It’s not like any other
I felt all your love
I had the kindest mother
You’d bring a smile to anyone’s face
You were one in a million
The type of person you could not replace
You were loved so much by many
You loved so many too
You had a heart of gold
I just wish you knew
You were there for my first breath
And I was with you for your last
I will cherish every memory
This life goes way too fast
I miss you so much Mam but you’re free now
Free as a bird, as free as one can be
I wanna wish you a Happy Mother’s Day
Lots of love from me :)
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